Thoughts on Memorial Day

But no flowers

I have vivid memories of my parents going to the cemetery every year to decorate relatives graves for Memorial Day. They called it Decoration Day, and used their supply of peonies for flowers. If the peonies bloomed early, they would carefully wrap them in newspaper and keep in the frig until time to use them. I usually went with them, walking around the cemetery and looking at the headstones and grave markers. I was too young back then to truly understand the significance of the day like I do now.

I don’t know why they chose Memorial Day to do their decorating, since it is a holiday honoring the men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military. They decorated all their relatives graves on both side of the family regardless of military service. That’s just what they did, and as a young kid I surely didn’t know any better. I just have a strong association with peonies and that holiday. My wife told me her family did the same thing, so I guess it was a widespread tradition back then.

As for decorating graves, I have to confess I have not carried on my parents tradition. In fact, I have never even visited their graves since they died. For one thing, I don’t think of their graves as being where they are. I truly don’t know where they are, except I know their spirits live on with me. I think of my mother often in the kitchen, especially when I am using her old grater. I treat it like the precious treasure that is is to me.

As for Memorial Day, I have vivid memories of my childhood neighbor Ronnie Dempsey who joined the Marine Corps and went to Vietnam. He signed up for his second tour of duty and was on board a helicopter on a rescue mission when it was shot down by enemy fire. The helicopter crashed, rolled down a mountain and burned. All aboard were killed, including 20 year old Ronnie. The neighborhood where I grew up was a pretty close knit community, the kind where everyone knew each other, and we all grieved when Ronnie died.

So for Memorial Day I will skip the flowers, and do my best to remember all those veterans like my neighbor Ronnie who gave their all for this country. And if I want to visit a cemetery, we live right across the road from one that I’m sure has veterans buried there. I can say a silent prayer for them, and give thanks for their service for us all.